Color of Loneliness

Color of Loneliness - Madeleine Beckett 4.5 Stars! I've read this book about a month ago and it left me with a book hangover. Even though I couldn't get it out of my mind I just couldn't write a review at time. I thought a short and rushed review just couldn't do justice to this book. I immersed myself instead into other books, angsty, deep, fluffy, funny, paranormal...but my thoughts kept coming back to this one. So I decided to re-read it. Now, considering that my TBR pile is growing dangerously every day, you would have thought that this was not a good move. But I don't regret it for a bit, I enjoyed reading it second time round even more, and this time am trying to finally write that review! This is a story about two young grieving people, each coping in their own ways.Myra and especially Dylan are two complex characters. I am starting with Dylan and I'm going to ramble a bit because quite simply I have a huge crush on him.DYLAN Dylan has moved away from his family and his past. With his scruffy appearance and unfriendly attitude, he tries to keep people away. He built walls to keep everyone out, he's usually abrupt and doesn't worry how he's perceived, he just isn’t interested in making friends. He doesn't pay any attention to his appearance, he doesn’t care how he looks, in fact he finds his good looks a curse and an invitation for unwanted attention from the women in this small town. He keeps busy with work to stop thinking ...what he doesn't want to think about we don't know... He's quite a mystery and along with Myra we do wonder why this young, attractive man is so angry and unapproachable... “He has no desire to share with anyone the mind fuckery that’s been going on in his head the last few days.” Whatever happened in the past haunts him and stops him from living his life ...he's scared and he's hiding behind that scruffy and grumpy facade... “Because if there is a God, he sure did a damn good job screwing me over.”He had everything once. He had the perfect life. Did he loose a child, most probably same age as his youngest nephew? Was it a car accident? Who's fault was it? He still got the scars, not only physical ones for which he has weekly physiotherapy, but deeper ones, mental ... Having been hired as a contractor to do the refurbishing work on Myra's house, he tries to keep a distance from her. They both aren't ready for a relationship but they can't deny the attraction. He shouldn’t be looking at them but fuck it, he can’t help it. He has an overwhelming urge to smash his mouth against hers and kiss her until she can’t fucking breath. But somehow she reaches deep into him and he really wants to let the walls down. She makes him smile, laugh, makes him feel alive again. He struggles with these new feelings, the control on his emotions is slipping and that frightens him. He leans down and rests his forehead against hers. “I’m scared,” he breathes. “Of what?” she breathes back. He closes his eyes. “This. I… can’t…” He wants to let her in, he just doesn't know how. He has shut off his emotions for such a long time, talking about the past isn't going to be easy, it's going to hurt. MYRA Myra, she's different, she's shy and hides behind oversized jumpers and chews her thumbnail when nervous...She always smiles at him even though he's almost rude, but it is when the roof accident happens that he sees her in a different light. She looks after his injuries without making any unwanted advances... Myra on the other end is going trough her own problems...having just lost the last remaining member of her family, working in an environment where she get constantly reminded of her ex-boyfriend's betrayal and having just inherited her grandfather's house she makes the decision to leave everything behind and start anew in the small town she grew up. Myra is going through a bad time in her life and she does question her decision to move into her late grandfather's house. She finds Dylan intriguing and despite the initial misgivings she can’t deny the attraction. Myra knows pain all too well; she’s certain that they can help each other. But she needs Dylan to come to the same conclusion. HELLO LIPS! “I came here cuz...” he says before he stops and stares intently at her mouth. “Cuz I wanna see your lips. Been thinking about them. Your lips. They’re beautiful, and red, and… wet. I came to say hello to your lips.” His eyes glaze over as he stares at her mouth. “Hello, lips,” he says in a husky voice.”...and his eyes – hooded from alcohol – fill with a strange warmth that looks somehow happy and sad all at once I liked how these two started to get closer together. It wasn't rushed, maybe it was slower than in other adult books, but you have to take into account that neither was looking to get into a relationship, they're still dealing with tragedies and in Dylan's case something else altogether... Dylan is apprehensive at first...He tries to keep the distance, he thinks she's too good for him, he's got a past and doesn't feel ready to upload it onto her...Later when he's away at his parents it's nice to see him starting to live again, his texting is sweet and my heart went to him. I didn't know and still don't know what really happened but my heart did a little dance when he started to smile and open up a bit. His breathing increases. “I’ve only kissed one woman in my damn life. But I want to kiss you so fucking bad right now,” he says as he drops his head down closer to hers, so that their lips are just inches apart. “Can I kiss you?” he whispers. It was adorable when he was asking to kiss Myra, asking permission to go ahead. And that I believe is because he doesn't believe he's allowed this small step to happiness. He's shut off for such a long time, filling his days with work and punching bag that to change all that it seems undeserving. He doesn't do well with emotional pain that's why he left Myra alone when Jim, the neighbour died. To have stayed with her meant to open up and get emotional ... and he's not capable of doing that after such a long time cutting off family and feelings. You could see both of them starting to change, Dylan letting the walls down, accepting that he deserves to be happy, and Myra starting to have a self confidence that she lacked in the past, being appreciated and wanted and being told so...And when it does happen the fireworks explode....Supporting Cast-------------SUSIEBFF- provides tons of entertainment throughout the book, she is loud, unafraid to voice her opinions in a colourful language and uncontrolled speech.TRENTEx BF - stalker, a conceited and self-centered person. Best described by Susie: “That lowlife bag of shitty turds. That scummy, slimy sleezy maggothead. God, that shit pisses me off. He’s got a lot of nerve considering the tiny ball sack he has floating in his pink girlie underwear.”or ... “It’s because he’s an asshole. Asshole brains don’t work the same as ours do. Too much brown sludge”JACKIENew neighbour - Talks 100 miles per hour, comes across as a bit ditzy, provides distraction and entertainment.THE END The end of the book it was like being punched into the stomach....Whilst I thought that I started to know and understand Dylan and liking him in the process, the abrupt finish was like a betrayal... Yes, the book ends on a cliffhanger... but I have faith that Myra won't do anything rush or stupid.I NEED TO KNOW NOW! What's happening, what did happened in the past, there are so many questions unanswered and I need them solved NOW! The next book Color of Forgiveness is expected in few weeks time, January 2013. A big thank you to Madeleine Beckett for providing me a copy of her awesome book!